Turning 35

Today's my 35th birthday (5 in human years). I'm starting to feel my age. Being an LA pug, my parents have promised me the following by the most highly skilled plastic surgeons for my birthday:

1) Face lift for my brow wrinkles which have been there since birth
2) Botox to clear up the rest
3) Nose job to correct my compressed snout
4) Cologen for my sagging lips
5) Dye for my graying chin hairs
6) Laser hair removal for my belly
7) Testicle implants (I haven't felt like a man since the surgery)
8) Fat injections for my sagging eyes
9) Teeth whitening treatment and porcelain veneers
10) Tail rejuvenation surgery for more of that cinnamon bun swirl
11) Leg extensions so I can be taller
12) Lower ribs removed for a more defined waist
13) Hair plugs so I can get that Pornstache I've always dreamed of
14) Septum piercing for that tough bull dog look
15) Liposuction on the neck (or where I'm supposed to have one)