Party Animal

At first I thought that we might be moving again (oh dread!), but it turned out that they were just moving furniture to prepare for their party. I, of course, did my part to greet every guest and make my rounds through the maze of jeans. By 11, I was completed spent, so it was off to bed.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Maybe I loved her too much. Maybe she's just the kind of girl who was looking for something short-term. In any case, Princess broke up and now she's left me.

My Princess Loves Me

How do I know? She cut off her ear and sent it to me. I'm speaking figuratively of course.

Glowing

Things are going great with Princess. She doesn't talk back and she loves to just hang out and let me nibble on her ears.

Valentine's Day Gift

For Valentine's Day, my parents got me a girlfriend. Since my on-again, off-again relationship with Isabelle isn't satisfying my puggish needs, this is a welcome present. When our eyes met, it was love. Her name is Princess and the sounds she makes when I nibble on her in the right places sends shivers down my spine.

Nightly Ritual

My parents appear to have a disagreement regarding where I'm supposed to sleep. Mama says with them, Dad says in the crate and each evening the same thing happens.

Is this asking too much of a puggy?

So long as my parents are my only source for food and companionship, I'll play their games. I don't mind playing fetch since something deep down inside beckons me to retrieve things. But what about when it's never been thrown in the first place? Now they have me getting the rope toy for them whenever they say "(translated:) Where's your toy?" This is getting to be a little much.

Turning 35

Today's my 35th birthday (5 in human years). I'm starting to feel my age. Being an LA pug, my parents have promised me the following by the most highly skilled plastic surgeons for my birthday:

1) Face lift for my brow wrinkles which have been there since birth
2) Botox to clear up the rest
3) Nose job to correct my compressed snout
4) Cologen for my sagging lips
5) Dye for my graying chin hairs
6) Laser hair removal for my belly
7) Testicle implants (I haven't felt like a man since the surgery)
8) Fat injections for my sagging eyes
9) Teeth whitening treatment and porcelain veneers
10) Tail rejuvenation surgery for more of that cinnamon bun swirl
11) Leg extensions so I can be taller
12) Lower ribs removed for a more defined waist
13) Hair plugs so I can get that Pornstache I've always dreamed of
14) Septum piercing for that tough bull dog look
15) Liposuction on the neck (or where I'm supposed to have one)